It must have been so obvious.. But I had tried…I had tried to hide my smile behind a straight face. I had tried not to get all excited about seeing you again. Could I have learnt to make my eyes not sparkle, to not blush, when I thought of you? Stop that grin from letting away my secret? How could I not love to eat what you liked, be it the zinger or the pizza or the seafood?

I tried. But then it didn’t matter who saw, who knew, who understood and who said what. What mattered was how much you loved my sparkling eyes and how you could make me burst into giggles by copying me, and with those silly little chit chats of yours, and the way you would drive the KFC guy crazy with ordering and cancelling again and again until he got to be our best friend and he too would start smiling as he would see us walking through that door.  I just had to wear those glass bangles at all times, hoping maybe that you would drop by if you could escape work even for an hour. I just had to stand by my window so early in the morning, for I knew what time you would drive by, and you would wave and I would laugh and love everything because you made my day, everyday. And I had to just beg my friends to let you come to our little parties at the univ, even though they would make you buy them so much icecream later on, while I scowled at them for wasting your money. And I was delighted at the wonderful surprise party they planned for me, and how they had made you part of the plan and I felt blessed for having such wonderful friends who liked you and such a wonderful you, for being friends with them for my sake. I loved the fact that my mom enjoyed your company and my brothers felt comfortable around you. And that in a true fimly style, you had actually saved my life, for that was when I knew my life mattered so much to you. And I just had to offer the longest of prayers, for at all times, not even once had I forgotten to thank Allah for sending you to me.

I have to thank HIM again. I do, for atleast I had you. I still have you everywhere, from the roads to my college, to the KFC and the KFC guy, the prawns and the pizza, to my decision to study, to the courses I take in my MBA, to the strong support that I now am for my sibblings, I have you.

I cant stop smiling when I think of you. I cant stop that sparkle in my eyes, I cant stop the hope and I know that they all see it. Let them see…I still dont care.Mom wonders why I dont eat KFC anymore. Why fried prawns dont taste as good. My dad cannot understand why I am so keen about my studies. My sibblings love me more than I could have ever imagined. And all I do, is think of you..of what you would have done..what you would have told me to do..I follow what you taught me..I feel, as a shadow.. of you..I love that feeling..I love living ‘you’..

You have been the best teacher in my life. The best friend. The best confidante’. The best love. The best ever, more than I could ever have imagined.

But you know what? I hate the past tense attached with you. It hurts…too much.