If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too:
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream – and not make dreams your master;
If you can think – and not make thoughts your aim,
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build ‘em up with worn-out tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss:
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: “Hold on!”

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with King – nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much:
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And – which is more – you’ll be a Man, my son!

Then I saw her face, now I’m a believer
Not a trace of doubt in my mind.
I’m in love, I’m a believer!
I couldn’t leave her if I tried.

I thought love was more or less a givin’ thing,
Seems the more I gave the less I got.
What’s the use in tryin’?
All you get is pain.
When I needed sunshine I got rain.

Then I saw her face, now I’m a believer
Not a trace of doubt in my mind.
I’m in love, I’m a believer!
I couldn’t leave her if I tried.

Be near me when night laments or sings,
or when it begins to dance,
its steel-blue anklets ringing with grief.

Be here when longings, long submerged
in the heart’s waters, resurface
and when everyone begins to look:
Where is the assassin? In whose sleeve
is hidden the redeeming knife?

And when wine, as it is poured, is the sobbing
of children whom nothing will console -
when nothing holds,
when nothing is:
at that dark hour when night mourns,
be near me, my destroyer, my lover,
be near me.

kabhi yaad aao to iss tarah
k lahoo ki sari tamazatain
tumain rung rung samait lain
tumain dhoop dhoop nikhar dain
tumain harf harf main soch lain
tujay dekhnay ka jo shoq ho
to diar e hijar ki teerigi ko
myzgaan ki nok say noch lain

kabhi yaad aao to iss tarah
k dil o nazar main samaa sako
kabhi had say habs e junoon barhay
to hawas ban k bikhar sako
kabhi khill sako shab e wasal main
kabhi khoon e dil main sanwar sako
sar e rah guzar jo millo kabhi
na thehr sako na guzar sako

mera dard phir say ghazal banay
kabhi gun-gunaao to iss tarah
meray zakhm phir say gulab hoon
kabhi muskarao to iss tarah
meri dharkanain b laraz uthain
kabhi dil dukhao to iss tarah

jo nahi to phir baray shoq say
sabhi rabtay, sabhi zaabtay ,
kaheen dhoop chaaon tor do
na shikast e dil ka sitam saho
na suno kissi ka azaab e jaan
na kissi say apni khalish kaho
yuun he khush raho yuun he khush phiro

na ujar sakain na sanwar sakain
kabhi chor jao to iss tarah
na sisak sakain na bilak sakain
kabhi bhool jao to iss tarah
kissi toar jaan say guzar sakain
kabhi yaad aao to iss tarah
kabhi yaad aao to iss tarah

ps : iv had a futile search for the lyrics of tina sani’s “thora saath chahiye” .. if anyone has it, plz do send them over!

Neways, thats not what i wanted to blog about. The pics (actually, the noises) caught attention of my mom and khala too. And then the dreaded stuff started! GOSSIP. ughhhhh i hate it. From one pic they followed to the other with loads of absurd comments. Then it got around to checking out every single guy in her list. And their pics. And their khaandaan pandaan hasab nasab and wat not! It totally freaked me out… That girl is my darling cosin and she has gone through a terrible dilemna last year.  I would have preferred that she be spared stupid comments and be left at watever she is doin. Its her life after all!

There!

Gave this very speech to the aunties and getting glares hehehe. I am sure my moms gonna be really pissed at me for saying all this. But i wouldnt want such stuff happen to me or my sis. That means i dont be happy if it happens to anyone else. A hard rule, but i want to follow it.

Finally, the anuty brigade is gone. Looking at pics of other cosins now. And they all look so beautiful mashaAllah. And like my other cosin just said right now, look at them and look at us!! I cant believe v r even related to them!

Right now, im hungry and need my dinner real soon. If this post duznt make any sense, wait up for the next one. I promise to make more sense then

This time around, im gonna be less of what i was…! I am not making a resolution. I want rather than wanting to give!

Dear LIFE,

Thanks for taking so long to show yourself; ’cause now that i can see you, i don’t think you deserve a second glance! Be nice to me because i deserve it. And this time, i want someone to fear the thought of losing me…not the other way round. Else, get lost. I dont need you!

Manzil mile na mile ab hamari qismat
Keh zindagi ke saath safar bas yahin tak tha

Uttho aur naye Hamraahi talash karo
Keh yeh khuwaab suhana bas yahin tak tha…!!

i began to stutter
saying a word here and there
and all along i felt as tender as a crystal
ready to be shattered

in this stormy sea we call life
all the big ships, they come apart
board by board
how can i survive
riding a lonely
little boat
with no oars
and no arms

my boat did finally break
by the waves
and i broke free
as i tied myself
to a single board

though the panic is gone
i am now offended!
why should i be so helpless?
rising with one wave
and falling with the next
i don’t know
if i am nonexisting
while i exist…
but i know for sure
when i am,
i am not!
but when i am not,
then i am!

since in this world
i have many times
like my own imagination,
died
and been born again

that is why
after a long agonizing life
as a hunter,
i finally let go
and got hunted down
and became free

credits probably go to Moulana Rumi (not sure!)

It went a fairly good interview and i suppose i gave almost all the right answers (if there is any such thing!!). As the interview came to a close, i popped up the wrong question :S i dared to ask the two (one male, the other female) their names and what they taught at the place. It wasnt a big deal as far as i knew but the reaction i got from the mister xyz was surprising.

me : may i know ur names please? (and i did say it in the most respecting manner!)

xyz : *looks up with a shocked expression* u dont know us?

me : *blank… are these really really famous ppl?*

xyz : didnt u buy the prospectus? didnt u go through it?

me : i did both

xyz : and u still dont know who v r? *takes out the grade sheet again and i feel like killing myself for getting my ownself into trouble*…… thats quite unflattering. prospectus mei sabka naam designation and pictures hei.

me : i know sir, but i also believe there were almost a 100 intros for the faculty. i find it hard to imagine knowing them all. i just know a few by name.

xyz : it shows u r ignorant, arrogant and u have a very bad memory.

me : * i sit back on the seat without invitation because now hes giving me the irks cmmenting like this* and how does it prove all these qualities in me? *asking him and then looking at the lady hoping for some response from her*

xyz : u probably didnt bother through the prospectus thinking ur times too precious shows u r ignorant. if u did, still u were arrogant enough to just note the names of the president and higher-ups here *too bad i felt like telling him that they are both my relavtives but bit my tongue because of his already unbelievable remarks about me* and further more, even if we suppose u did read all about our faculty, u seem unable to match names and faces and remember either of them at all….shows clear signs of a bad memory.

me : *blank and blank and blank*….. right, so i apologize for such an inadequate question

xyz : apne aur kabhi interview diya hei kya ever? did u ask such a ridiculous question ever?

me : uhhh never felt the need sir. they were nice enough to introduce themselves or they had name-plates

the lady : actually u r right. we should have those here. i am surprised nobody else asked. i dont mind her question at all. its a very appropriate question. * blank look on her face* y do u wanna know?

me : *oh craaaaaaaaaaaaap wat now :S* just so i can remember and also bcos everyones gonna ask kisne lia interview and also bcos my dad taught me that u shud give ur name and ask the same. its proper etiquettes he says.

lady : theek theek i do agree. i am so and so and he is so and so…

me : thank u * and out i go!*


Was i wrong in asking? Even if i was, i definitely dont agree to his replies.
Being the Head of Faculty of a very reputable educational institute must not get to your head. Atleast not in my opinion. I give a damn if i dont get through to the merit list.

The dinner that night was at someone’s place and for once we were on time [:D] which meant ofcourse, that we left lil bro to come home walking after his job and stay home and miss the party hehe. Interesting discussions came up at dinner and when the topics turned into religious debates i took my exit. Asking all the kids to say their prayers before they fall asleep got me huge stares. Great just great!! They knew they had to pray something, but the books were in Urdu and the internet gave only process of reading salat-ul-tasbeeh. So i made the effort of translating the specific prayers for them and writing them down. And as i was doing so, i realized…

I was only able to guide them because for all the years past, I can remember how strict my dad was about properly doing all the prayers. If we complained, he would make us read even more nafils. Yawning meant making tea for everybody and going back to reading dua’a all over again.Its not the fault of these amreekan kids that they know nothing..its their parents fault. Or maybe the busy life. Or whoever or whatever…I felt proud that my lil bro could read salat-ul-tasbeeh on his own. At his age of 17, its nothing to be proud of [:S] but in comparison to the other kids, I felt relieved.

And when i bowed down to Allah SWT, I had yet one more reason to be thankful. To thank HIM for givng me a dad who has instilled in us the proper religious values. Thank you dad and thank you Allah! Atleast I know if I am wrong in something, I am at fault and I am to be blamed. Period! For everything i complain about, I am an ungrateful person. And yet HE says that if I ask forgiveness HE shall give it. Again and again I may err, because I am human. But I will learn…make that effort to learn, to ask forgiveness, to understand. Even a cupful of mercy from HIS sea of Divine mercy shall be enough for me.